A snake on the driveway

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I'm horribly afraid of snakes. I mean so afraid that I can't even watch tv snakes....cartoon snakes are scary to me. I know it doesn't make any sense. A tv snake cannot hurt me. Even more ridiculous...cartoon snakes...I know, I know! So with that in mind, why write about a real life snake?  (you'll see later on)

Two things:

Number 1: Every day I go for a hike. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Kind of like the postman, rain, snow, sleet or shine. I'm out there every day. I blame it on the boys, they need a walk, they need to be emptied...But I NEED the peace, quiet and fresh air...and, of course, exercise (I gave up cheese, no way am I giving up cookies).

Number 2: I don't hide the fact that I am not particularly fond of where I live. People are nosey and gossipy. It's so cold in the winter, I'm not sure why we all survive. We have mosquitoes so large that it's rumored they can fornicate with a turkey flat footed (I don't know this fact to be true first hand, but it's a story that have circulated far and wide). However, the ONE redeeming factor...no rattle snakes. It's true, probably because they, unlike me, spent one winter here and high tailed it out of this frozen waste land.

So in a naive way, I've always taken it to mean NO snakes PERIOD! Weeeeeeel, not so fast. Last Tuesday, I walked to the top of the driveway, enjoying the beauty of the day and all of sudden a "stick" started to sliver....bleeeeee! I screeched loudly and that sneaky snake, masquerading as a stick, did that creep shrivel into an S thing that they do. I turned and ran back to the house. I screamed for Mr. T. He came running because he thought (because of my screams) that I'd been attacked by a mountain lion or worse. I shakily told him about the snake and tried to hand him the shovel. He said, "well, is it a rattle snake"? REALLY, like I stuck around to check it out, come on! I was shaking and crying. So he said, come on, show me where it was. I made him walk first and pointed with the shovel in the general direction. He said, "oh, come here it's just a cute little garden snake. It's a good snake". CUTE LITTLE GARDEN SNAKE, BS!!!!  I said, "as you know, I don't feel that way, here...KILL IT!" "No", he said, "it's a good snake, it will eat mosquitos and other bugs. we can't kill it." He said, "you know, if you touched a cute little snake like this, you might not be so afraid. It might be good for you". So I said, "well, I'm not interested in that" After some further discussion....we agreed to disagree, he walked closer to the snake and it quickly slivered off into the bushes.

I bravely decided I would carry on with my plans and carefully go for a walk after all. I was freaked out all day. Every time I saw a stick I was scared it was a snake. I decided to never go outside without one of the boys ever again, I was certain their presence would scare off any other "cute little snakes". With that in mind I sort of came to grips with the fact that my fantasy of living here was okay because of the one redeeming factor, was pure fiction. Then as I was having a complete mental freak out about the horrors of a snake touching me and how scary that would be I suddenly thought....You moron, really, what would ultimately happen if a "cute little garden snake" touched me. Answer....Well, nothing. Nothing will happen. The earth will not stop spinning. The sun will still shine. The wind will still blow. The money in my bank account will not disappear, well, unless I spend it....but you can see where I'm going here. A small little garden snake will not hurt me. It will not give me cancer. It will not make the forest start on fire...okay, that's probably enough. My point 42 pages later. I might be having a phobia break through. Don't get me wrong. I won't be shopping for a terrarium complete with snake any time soon. The important thing here is I'm really not afraid to go outside. I'm not afraid to walk without a dog. I'm not afraid that every stick in the forest might be a snake.

So a few days later, I am happy to report that this new brave me, feels pretty darn good.

Bill

Fun facts about Bill

Bill was born on April 6, 2006, so he's seven years old. He doesn't seem like an old man, but sometimes he limps like one. That makes me sad, I don't want him to get old.

He is a closet asshole, which is kind of rude of him, but I think it's funny. He reminds me of Eddie Haskill (from Leave it to Beaver). He does naughty things then acts like a perfect dog when people are around. I like his sneaky personality.

He has cute curly blond hair.

He didn't have a name for about a month. We tried out several names and one day Mr. T. walked outside and said, "that's Bill and that's Ross"and I said, "okay".

Bill was very sad when Ross died. I wondered if he would be because even though they were litter mates they never played together. About two days before Ross died, Bill went outside and laid down beside him and (I think) they said their goodbyes. It was very out of character for Bill to go lay by him. But he did love Ross, he would always clean his ears and lick his face. Ross didn't like other dogs to lick him, he would only let Bill, and Bill never let him down.

We used to call Bill, Skinny Bill. He's very finicky, when he was little he would eat about two bites then run to play with Jake. I had to haul him back to his food dish and hand feed him. He loves raw meat, apples, napa cabbage and my special dog treats.

He loves affection and will give love so freely. If I sit down outside he will always come and sit right next to me. If you hug him, he'll always hug you back.

He loves to run and chase and only thought a couple of times the Alice might taste good.

He eats grass almost every morning and then pukes it up.

He can run as fast as a greyhound. We brought him home on a Friday. On Saturday morning we all went for a walk down the drive way (about 3/4 mile). For some reason, Bill decided he wanted to go home, so he started running toward home as fast as he could. He ran out of sight and we just kept walking, next thing we knew here came Bill, yipping and crying. I guess he got scared being all by himself. It was so cute, I picked him up and carried him home. His little heart was pounding so hard. He still runs everywhere he goes.

He's sweet and kind and beautiful. I am so glad he got to be our dog, and we got to be his people.

He's a good boy and if I'm ever having a bad day, I just need to go find Bill, he always makes me feel better. I love my boy Bill, what would I do without him?

Jake

Fun facts about Jake.

Jake was born on Christmas day 2005, so he's seven years old which in people years is about 49 (give or take) which means he's middle aged and currently the same age as Mr. T.

I may have mentioned before that he's special and gets to sleep in our room, of course, that doesn't always happen because he snores really, really, really loud. 

He likes raw meat, apples and dog food. If you try to give him a carrot he will take it to be polite then spit it out when he thinks you're not looking.

He's getting lazy in his middle age and when we are on our walk and he knows we're close to the turn around point, he'll find a spot where he knows he can still see the rest of us until we turn around and lay down and rest. 

He will never, ever leave anyone behind. 

He's nice to all of his brother and cleans their ears for them every night.

He never, ever tried to eat Alice.

He loves to play and tries everyday to get his brothers to chase him. (They usually won't cooperate, so I chase him, and look like a lunatic doing it.)

Jake is a "caretaker" and watches out for all of us. If he doesn't like someone, we've learned that he knows what we may not and so far he's never been wrong.

Have I mentioned yet that I LOVE Jake and want to be like him when I grow up.

Alice

Five fun facts about Alice.

1. Alice is a cat among dogs. She's not afraid of her canine brothers, but is beyond scared of neighbor cat.

2. Alice was living at the Grasshopper Inn when we adopted her. We think that because she spent the first year of her life in the "wild" she learned all kinds of great habits. For example if she get cold, she'll find something to crawl under, blankets, cardboard, dog beds etc. She's very quiet, she never complains and rarely meows.

3. Alice loves to sit right next to BT in his lazyboy. She sits up just like a human, then she give anyone (human or canine) else around a "I'm superior" look.

4. She looooooooves BT and tolerates me. . .most of the time. If she's sitting by BT and I go sit next to them she gets jealous and tried to attack me so I'll leave. However, if I'm the only "warm lap" she'll come over and be my best friend.

5. Since she's a cat and cats can live a very long life, she could still be my pet when I'm a senior citizen. Provided Sam a dog, or a large bird doesn't eat her. She'll most likely out live the boys which makes me happy and sad. Sad that dogs don't live longer but happy cats do.

Alice is a great pet, she hardly eats anything, gives herself a bath everyday and shits in a box, what's not to love? I have to say, I didn't want a cat when she did the "love dance" on BT's leg two years ago, but I'm glad he did. I love our little feline and wouldn't trade her.

A few weird things...

First:
If my name were Bill (the dog) and I went outside and ate green grass and that green grass made me puke, horrible body wrenching puking, would I go outside tomorrow and eat more green grass? Bill will.

Second:
If my name were Sam (the dog) and I ate, well, everything I could find on the ground would I be able to talk with my stomach? Sam can. I swear his stomach called out Bill's name.

Third:
If my name were Frank (the dog) and I ate grass, lots and lots of long grass would I make poop necklaces? Frank can.

Fourth:
If my name were Jake (the dog) and I snored really loud, all night long would I still get to sleep in my room? Jake does.

Fifth:
If my name were Alice (the cat) would I sniff stinky things with my mouth open? Alice does.

I think all of that is weird and where was my camera when all of this was happening? In the drawer with a dead battery. boo

I should know better...

You really do have to be careful what you wish for. Last night I just wanted it to stop raining. Well, it did and started SNOWING!!! Bah! I just want a little (a LOT) spring! Is that too much to ask for?

Okay, it is pretty. BUT it's May 23.

Frankie likes it.

The trees? not so much. They just got brave enough to grow leaves :(

Sam is happy! Look at the sad tree...

Bill's glad he still has his winter pants and jacket.

Jake thinks it's a good idea to go back in the house. I agree!

Rain, rain, go away!!! Really, enough already.

It's raining, it's pouring the old man is snoring... I know, I know, I live at high altitude. I should expect this crap weather in May. I expect it to rain for the first two weeks of June. It happens, but I just don't care! I want the sun to shine and I want to go outside in shorts and a t-shirt. That's it, that's all.  .   .   . The End.