The snoopy post office lady (a minor rant)

I almost never go to the post office when it's open. There is only one reason: Marge (not her real name), Post Master, or as I like to call her, "the snoopy post office lady".  Last week I had to stop in to collect my mail and I was driving by and didn't want to go home and wait for the PO to close and go back, it's like 10 miles from my house, I'm lazy.

So, a little back story, my neighbor is getting a divorce. He and his soon to be ex-wife are big gossipers and while he is our friend, we don't really care for his wife, who, by the way, has moved to Wyoming so she's not holding up her end of the information super highway. My neighbor Max (not his real name) is actually a pretty nice person, always willing to help anyone, still lives in their house and is reasonably popular in the community.

As soon as I walked into the post office last week Marge, said, "I heard Max has to sell his house and give half of it to Barbara (also, not her real name), is that true?" I said, "You should ask him." She said, "well, it would certainly be a pity". I know, I know, believe me, I know I should have just picked up my mail and walked out...shame on me, I said, "well even if he does, it's not the end of the world" GASP (heard near and far) "Well it certainly is" said, Marge. "How's that?" I said. (walk away you moron, I heard my sensible side say) Marge proceeded to tell me how it will disrupt the community, who knows what kind of person will move in if he sells, why should he have to pay his cheating trollop of an ex-wife, etc. I said, "well, it's none of my business" GASP again, "well, I should certainly think it would be, you'll have new neighbors" said Marge. I took a deep breath and said, "Marge, it's none of my business, it's none of your business and if you're so interested, why don't you just pick up the phone and ask him yourself, his phone number is XXXX. (we're such a small community you only have to give out your last four) GASP again. "Well, I just think you ought to be looking our for your neighbors a little better is all I'm saying" So I said, "Look he will either sell his place or he won't. I'll either have new neighbors, or I won't. Either way, it's not the end of the world. There are so many worse things that could happen, furthermore, at the end of the day none of this is any of YOUR business, I only speak to you when I come in here because it's the polite thing to do. In case you haven't noticed I almost never come in here when you're open. If you want to gossip with someone there are plenty of other people in this community to are into that kind of thing." Then, my more reasonable side kicked in, she does sort my mail after all, so I said, "Well Marge, Happy New Year" and walked out. My ears have been burning for a few days, I'm sure the word has gotten around, but I am happy to say that this time, I really don't care, and that feels good!

I love the nog.

I LOVE eggnog. Love it, Love It, LOVE IT!!!!! Just on the deepest edge of my memory I remember two things. When I was five years and two weeks old my grandma gave me the best ever Teddy bear. I named him Pinky and I loved him right out of his fur, then his skin... Second and only second by the slightest of margins is Egg Nog. I remember when we still lived in town, one day my Mom made us some Eggnog. The real thing with raw eggs and who knows what else, I was a tot and I loved that Nog. Soon after that everyone stopped making nog because you CAN dye from eating raw eggs. My Mom was a cautious lady she boiled any bottled veggies within and inch of mush and no more raw eggs...therefore, no more nog (picture me with my head held low, shoulders slumped...no nog :( ever, ever again)

That's what I thought, then I grew up and realized they make all kinds of good stuff and sell it in stores...who knew???? A few weeks ago I was standing at the dairy case looking at the huge selection of nog. Nog with cinnamon and vanilla, nog with pumpkin spice, nog with Southern Comfort? No shit and a little old lady danced up, flung open the door and said with a wink, "this is the one for me"(Southern Comfort). I smiled at her and she was on her way. She was a perky old gal, maybe she's on to something. ;) Anyhow, I selected a quart of Cinnamon Vanilla and on with Pumpkin Spice. They are so yummy, there's only a tiny bit left and the CV, I liked the PS better, but they were both magically delicious. They both have about 4000 calories and 98 g of fat per 1/4 cup, so I'll say so long my artery clogging friend, until next year. ching ching

The BEST ever Christmas Candy, and I made it!

This is the easiest and yummiest Christmas Candy . . . EVER!!! This is brought to you today from BT's childhood.

That's it....3 simple ingredients. So here's how you do it. Melt the chocolate, let it cool off a little stir in Cool Whip (you can see I used Safeway brand, it's cheaper, but still good). Form into balls with two spoons, roll in crushed Nilla Wafters. This is SERIOUSLY the BEST thing I've ever eaten. Once you roll them in the crumbs let them set fully in the fridge. Then pack them in an air tight container and hide them from yourself, if you don't you will eat them all and then you'll have to start over. I'm not saying I've done that, I'm just suggesting it could happen that way, so watch yourself. Now, why only make these a Christmas time? Well, I'll tell you, all you have to do is read the ingredients in the Cool Whip, it's full of all kinds of fake nasty shit that will kill you if you eat too much. So, Christmas time only in this household.

Now on to my latest cooking failure.

It's white chocolate/peppermint popcorn. It looks good right? Well it's CRAP! Probably I should have considered that I don't like white chocolate and I should have considered that when I wasted a bunch of money and time making this. I did, however, discover a new and fantastic use for my food processor. Probably most accomplished cooks know this, BUT, you can crush all kinds of stuff in the above mentioned food processor, for example: candy canes for popcorn disasters, graham crackers or Nilla wafers for crusts and other good stuff. Who knew? Probably lots of people. The important things is, now I know it. Here is a little proof.

TaDah!! Just one more reason why I love my Bosch Universal Kitchen Machine. The man gave it to me for my cool number birthday two years ago 12/11/10. That was a cool date, won't ever happen again, so it had to be carefully and joyfully celebrated. And it was and I remember I got to have a cool number birthday every time I use it.

Now, I must go open some windows, here in the dead of winter, as Bouvier gas has stuck once again and I feel the life being sucked out of me.

Well, it's fat...

That is what Dr. G said after tested two "funny" bumps on Jake and Bill this morning. I was really worried about Bill because he's Ross' biological brother and cancer ate and killed Ross; and Jake had 5 "funny" bumps. BT and I both had a good cry two nights ago when we found them and held our breath until Dr. G was back in his office today. (That is a very long time to hold your breath, by the way, and I wouldn't recommend it......I nearly passed out.) We walked into the clinic this morning expecting the worst.... Nope...it's just FAT! (Well, fatty tumors that come with age.) I have never loved fat as much as I do today. 

L-R Jake, Frank, Bill and Sam

Still a strong pack of four! Have I mentioned yet today how much I love fat?

Did you know?????

That a dog (Frank) that likes to eat poop, thinks that if he chews it up and swallows it before I get to him...maybe it didn't happen and it was all in my mind.

That a dog (Jake) that believes he has special privileges and if I tell him to do something, he doesn't want to do, he'll look at BT, like, "did you hear her? I don't really have to do that right, I mean it's me Jake, you know, your favorite dog??"

That a cat (Alice) thinks if I'm standing in the kitchen I'm probably cutting up ham just for her.

That a dog (Bill) likes to dance and get super happy after he poops, almost like it's the BEST thing that has ever happened....EVER!!

That a dog (Sam) might still want to eat a cat (Alice) or he's just a very heavy drooler when ever she's close by.

And, as always, cookies make exercise worth the sweat.

At a glance...

you might think...UGLY and a very dry looking cinnamon roll. And this after I bragged so much about my Thanksgiving day success. Weeeeelll, NOT SO FAST! This is a fantastic creation that is all mine...okay that's a total lie.

This is a Non-Named breakfast delight. It's a light and fluffy biscuit full recipe that I rolled out, (like you would cinnamon rolls) then I "buttered" a light layer of refried beans and some of my very own created Chili Colorado and cheese. Then I rolled them, sliced them, and baked them. This might not sound like breakfast, however, when served with light and fluffy scrambled eggs. This just became and yummy Mexican breakfast. Well, I don't know if that's really true, but I liked it and so the big man.

And this wasn't my idea. I saw it on Diners, Drive In's and Dives. I don't even know where Guy was because I'm usually only interested in the food. Also, the person on TV making this used pesto and sausage and mozzarella cheese. . . And like I said, I made mine more Mexican because I LOOOOOOVE Mexican food. Also I didn't make the Chili Colorado, that the BT's creation. It's really, really, really good. It has shredded pork and several varieties of chills. It's awesome, sometimes we make it with chicken, or pork, or beef, it just depends on what's on sale.

I said, "we should call it a loaded biscuit". BT said, "no way, that sounds like a loaded diaper, or a load in my pants." (GASP!) So for now it shall remain unnamed, but lets just face it, I'm a total genius . . . or a copy cat, or a genius copy cat....